Yes, today Tessa turns six months. A whole half a year old. I'm sure it doesn't sound like much to some but it's absolutely unbelievable to me. She's practically crawling, she ate a (miniscule) bit of banana this morning, she can say "hi!" and she's huge!
Even though she's changing everyday and in so many incredible ways she is still the same little being that came out of me six months ago. I know it sounds obvious but it's a strange thing to witness. A person being born and then maintaining who they are through enormous change. Sure she's grown in size and she's not fooled by the magical disappearing whateveritisthatshewants trick anymore but she's the same person. Looking at me with the same eyes. The same sly smile creeping out from one corner of her mouth and the same back of the throat laugh she does that I can never quite imitate right.
It makes me wonder all over again about nature v. nurture and why I am who I am. I think I give to much credence to what I've done or what's been done to me. I've never really felt victim to this world, say, but I have often felt like well, of course I'm that way just look at what I've been through. I'm beginning to feel like that's a real cop-out. Of course there's years and years chalk full of life for Tessa ahead and only time will prove how it will all effect her and mold the person she will be but watching her now, her extroversion, her likes and dislikes, how similar and different she already is to both Jason and I. I can see her presence becoming stronger, her will, her personality. She's her own person and it is my job not just to make sure the experiences I can control are mostly positive ones for her but to allow who she is to bloom in this world. To give her the confidence she'll need to know that no matter what kind of world she walks through she was born strong and smiling. One happy little bean just full of her own self.
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