Feverish blathering

So this is it. The rest of my life.... Or months 6 to 11 from now. At home while husband is at work, eating sauteed kale and baked tofu with nutritional yeast and Bragg's, listening to Marketplace on NPR and quieting dog from barking at her reflection. Oh! And keeping up to the second track of threads on mothering.com. A new obsession which, while I completely feel like I have a million invisible new friends all ready to offer suggestions out there I have developed the unhealthy habit of reading the Help! posts. There I become sucked into some poor mamma's horrific story of doctor visit gone bad, gut feeling something is wrong or miscarriage. I sit crying to my computer screen, completely helpless and disconnected from this suffering woman. Till I come up with some worry of my own... why am I not really all that nauseous yet? what's that menstrual like cramping on my right? why do I feel feverish? Mantra: I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And so is baby who, ready or not, will be here in approx. 8 months from now. Now that makes me nervous! Jeezum Crow.
What will make all of this completely real is telling our parents. I was the one who wanted to drive down the day after the we got the positive results and surprise Mom and Dad. Now, I kind of want to put it off till after the first doctor's appointment next Tuesday and the ultrasound on Thursday. Just to make sure I haven't forced my body into tricking my mind that I'm pregnant. (Now that's paranoid, I don't even trust myself!) No, I know this is all real. I feel like once we start telling people (real, off the internet people we know) we're going to be rocketed through time and I'll end up naked on a table with people around me screaming, "push!" Yup, the stuff of science fiction movies. I'm in 'em.
For now, before anyone really knows I'll sit and suffer with this cold and chase dirty dog as she steals my used tissues. Wait! Here comes the nausea... good job Bragg's. Eck.