How does that make me feel?

This is such therapy I've realized. All this venting and editing and being free to live somewhat uncensored and then realizing you're the only one censoring yourself at all. I do censor what I write on here. I was thinking about that big task of spilling "100 things about me" that I've seen some bloggers take on and I started a list yesterday while working at the cafe. I got to #3 and then I threw out the paper. There's a lot I'm sure I could jot down quickly but could I really come up with 100 interesting and at the same time non-incriminating details of my life that I wouldn't be deathly afraid someone I know might see? I guess not. I'll be trying though for the next however long. It's my newest goal. Ah, to have to goals in life....
Really though, I don't know how long I'll go on journaling here on the world-wide web but it has been my own type of catharsis. I'm not one who's ever allowed myself the indulgence of 'real therapy'. Personally, (and I mean this with complete respect to all the loonies out there who really need therapy) I can't really imagine spending that much money to make someone listen to me whine. I've got J for that and he's free. And now, of course, I've got you. So I'll try to come up with more interesting insights into this random new blogger's life.

House for Sale (dog not included)

Crazy dog looking not so crazy. She loves the new loveseat she's not supposed to be on. It probably doesn't help her discipline issues that I think it's adorable.

So this is me trying desperately not to think about all of the problems we're dealing with in this house. Anyone want to buy it?

My New 'Twang...

That sounds a little dirty. Anyways, I was just thinking how I could really write a country music song at this point in my life. All they have to be is depressing right? Well.... my cell phone got fried (it was our only phone), our jeep broke down, the furnace suddenly stopped working last night and I'm pregnant and freezing now... It's cold in here, damn cold (this would be the refrain). I'd have to throw in somewhere that our house is a money pit and I have rodents living in between the floors.
It's really a lovely scene. Romantic. I keep reminding myself that this is somehow romantic! A hard spot in life can usually be looked back upon as sweet and naive. Like in five years from now I'll look back at this very moment and say, "Oh, wasn't that amazing! And we had no idea that winning powerball ticket would be in our hands just days later!"
That's what I'm counting on. Winning powerball and spring. Which ever comes first. Once I can reach the ground without digging through 3 feet of snow I'll be happy. Once I can drive five minutes to our swimming hole and rock sculpture playground and splash around all big and pregnant and happy.

Make Up Homework....

My favorite Valentine ever!

My fabulous strawberry chocolate cake.

I'm Off

I'm off to my second shift of work for the day but before I go I wanted to drop a line or two. Making lists always makes me happy and although I'm already in a decently good mood I thought I'd make one strange, not so happy list. So...

Things that have disappointed me this past week:

*Miles Davis abused women. (Maybe this is common knowledge but it shocked me and I feel a little icky now listening to his beautiful music)

*People in the restaurant business don't neccessarily live by the secret code of politeness and respect for fellow restaurant workers. i.e. Don't show up to eat at any restaurant at closing time and act like no one else in the place has anywhere else to be.

*I don't change the station when 'If I Had a Million Dollars' by the Barenaked Ladies comes on the radio.

*And... I actually sing to 'If I Had a Million Dollars'.


Now I'm late to work. Ah, well. What are they going to do? Fire a pregnant woman? Just kidding! I'm going. Quickly.

all dressed up with a cake! (and still nowhere to go)

I just made a fabulous chocolate cake with strawberries and dark chocolate shavings! Will post a picture when J downloads my 10,000 shots of it. I'm wearing some of my new super comfy maternity clothes my mom bought me recently. I'm not exactly 'big' yet but my regular clothes are beginning to feel awkward. Rising up here, hanging over there. Just not too pretty. I'd rather wear these fitted but billowy shirts that hang way past the waist. Certainly not a fashion queen but it's my day off and I want to feel good about myself. (Key to that was opting out of trying on a bathing suit)
I had most of the ingredients for the cake just around and since it's my dad's and my friend's birthday I thought I'd bake one. I ate half the frozen strawberries before they made it on the cake and licked the batter realizing immediately it might make me very sick. Oops. (It was delicious anyways and made me feel like a kid) Dad's too far away to enjoy it and who knows if I'll end up seeing my friend but I felt productive for about 1.5 hours today.
Dog is so incredibly bored she can't stop whining and I feel bad but it's so damn cold and windy out I just can't bring myself to go out there. She runs around the yard and then slams at the door saying come on! Get out here with me! Nope, I'm lazy and useless. Saving my energy for baby (admitted bad excuse).
I'm at 14 weeks and 2 days. I feel like it's going really quickly and that kind of scares the hell out of me. Breathing deeply to slow the time. I'm also eating nervously constantly. I've put on just about 6 pounds at this point. Can't get enough fruit or peanut butter. I have a feeling soon it'll be chocolate cake with strawberries.